Revised: August 12, 2025
Jung On Shadows: "One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious."
The average person spends much of their day operating from various states of unconsciousness. We sometimes call it autopilot. Our bodies are going through the motions because the motions are predictable. Our minds are not fully conscious but checked out, as our bodies and mouths operate from a trance state.
Sometimes we’re simply distracted or preoccupied by our thoughts. Other times, what takes over is more powerful—like trauma.
The Shadow in Action
We also “check out” when something activates in us a programmed or conditioned response. For example, you make a mistake at work. Before you’ve even taken it in, you try to hide it or blame someone else. Why? Because when you were growing up, those in authority (parents or teachers) allowed no room for mistakes.
These unconscious states, where we run programs that are not serving our best interests, are known collectively as our shadow.
What Lives in Our Shadows
We each have a shadow, because where there is light, there is also dark. Emotional maturity, fulfillment, self-acceptance, and healthy relationships require us to look at those dark places and work on them.
Most of our beliefs and behaviors are set by age six or seven. This includes:
How we handle stress
How resilient we are when we fail
How we motivate ourselves
What we believe we are allowed to have, desire, and pursue
These early programs shape how we see the world, and what we believe is possible for us.
Family, Friends, and Culture: Where the Programs Begin
The shadow isn’t just built from personal wounds—it’s filled with programs we inherited from others.
Family: Our parents modeled ways of handling emotions, conflict, and mistakes. Sometimes we absorbed their unresolved pain or their unspoken rules.
Friends and peers: To belong, we picked up behaviors or beliefs—even if they weren’t authentic to us.
Culture and community: Messages about gender, race, money, success, and worth are baked into the society we grow up in. Many of these programs run silently, shaping our shadow behaviors.
Some of what we learned resonates with our authentic nature. But much of it? It was demonstrated for us enough times that we mistook it for truth.
Why Shadow Work Feels So Uncomfortable
The uncertainty of these past few years has activated the shadow in all of us. Living in close quarters—or living in isolation—combined with ongoing global stress, has created endless opportunities for us to be triggered into behaviors that don’t serve us well.
Shadow work feels uncomfortable because it asks us to see what we’ve hidden from ourselves: the parts of us that were trained to comply, to hide, or to push away pain.
How We Can Work with the Shadow
Discerning, striving for, and creating the life we want requires us to become aware of our boundaries, emotions, and needs.
Notice your activators. Unmet needs, crossed boundaries, or buried emotions can flip on unconscious programming.
Get curious about the roots. Some behaviors are easy to shift. Others require healing—becoming conscious of the emotions, wounds, and beliefs the behavior is protecting.
Practice choosing instead of reacting. The more aware of our shadow we become, the more able we are to respond rather than react.
Shadow Work and the Spiritual Journey
Becoming conscious is the cornerstone of the spiritual journey. This is the path of uncovering our authentic self, the one who exists under all the armor and self-protections.
Working on our shadow doesn’t mean eliminating our dark side. It means noticing it, naming it, and loosening its grip. When our beliefs and decisions come from conscious choice, we:
Build healthier relationships
Feel less stress, shame, and anxiety
Experience more freedom to live aligned with our true nature
An Invitation to Go Deeper
If you are at a point on your journey where you would benefit from a witness, a cheerleader, a healer, and/or an interpreter, check out my Mentoring packages. These customized programs support empaths looking for better relationships, a more satisfying career, and the ease of feeling at home in your own skin.
A Journaling Practice for Meeting Your Shadow
Shadow work begins with curiosity. You don’t need to fix or fight with your shadow—you simply need to notice it. Use these prompts to explore with compassion:
Family Patterns
What unspoken rules did I learn from my family?
How were mistakes, anger, or sadness handled in my childhood home?
Friendship & Belonging
What did I do to fit in with friends or peers that didn’t feel authentic to me?
Are there parts of myself I still hide to avoid rejection?
Cultural Messages
What messages have I absorbed from culture about success, gender, money, or worth?
Do these beliefs feel aligned with who I truly am?
Your Current Shadow
When I feel triggered, what behavior shows up on autopilot?
What might this behavior be protecting or concealing?
Tip: Write freely, without judgment. If it feels hard to face, pause, take a breath, and remind yourself you’re exploring—not reliving.
Explore this topic even deeper by reading Demystifying Shadow Work
