"A culture that cannot unlearn and psychically disinvest can never be ready for the challenges of the future."
Releasing Cultural Conditioning and Reclaiming Yourself
If you’re an empath, you’ve probably felt it—the weight of cultural expectations pressing in on you, urging you to do more, give more, be more. Our world rewards overwork. It praises self-sacrifice and treats sensitivity like a flaw to be fixed.
Unfortunately, thriving as an empath means unlearning everything we’ve been taught about what it means to be successful, good, and worthy. Especially now, as the US government is attempting to boomerang our culture back to the Jim Crow era; racism, misogyny, disability bias (both physical and mental/emotional), and the assault on gender and sexuality expansion are in full swing.
I’ve been on this journey of unlearning for a while now. It’s not easy, but it’s necessary. Right now, I hope empaths not only talk about this with each other but that they continue to live their truth, out loud so that others who are just discovering their way to freedom see others choosing a different path at a time when power is trying to take away our authentic self-expression through legislature and fear tactics.
Now more than ever, we must stand strong and challenge the lies and propaganda attempting to swiftly reign in our rights and access to things like healthcare, especially mental healthcare. So to remind us all, here are some of the biggest lessons I’ve navigated on my way to feeling life myself:
1. Busyness Does Not Equal Worthiness
In our culture, exhaustion is worn like a badge of honor. The more we hustle, the more valuable we seem. This is a tactic to keep us from advancing our culture through shared wealth and opportunities; to keep us disempowered. If we are too tired and distracted, we don’t have the time or energy fight for our rights.
The truth is, my worth—and yours—isn’t tied to how much we do. Rest isn’t a luxury; it’s a necessity. Productivity does not define our value. Slowing down is not failing.
Our worth doesn’t change even if our country falls backward for a while. Our value is inherent in our being, given to us by the highest power; God or whatever you believe in. We are all deserving of the rest we require to thrive.
2. People-Pleasing Isn’t Kindness
Empaths are natural nurturers, but we’ve been conditioned to believe that prioritizing others—at our own expense—is the right thing to do. Again, the people who benefit from our people-pleasing are the same ones who blame us for being “weak” or shame us for having no boundaries.
In reality, saying “yes” when I mean “no” isn’t kindness; it’s self-abandonment. It was taught to us by our parents and institutions to keep us in servitude and blame us for our inherent kindness.
Setting boundaries isn’t selfish; it’s self-respect. And the reason you never learned boundaries is that you probably didn’t have strong, healthy parents to model them for you, and our society, especially capitalism, exploits our people-pleasing to fatten their bank accounts.
If boundaries are something you know you need help with, now is the time. Read other blogs on the topic here, and here, and take my course on Boundaries for Empaths; the first lesson is free.
3. Overfunctioning Is Not Love
Many of us have been taught that love means fixing, rescuing, and carrying other people’s burdens. But taking on responsibilities that aren’t ours doesn’t strengthen relationships—it depletes us. True love allows space for others to show up for themselves.
There is a lot of overlap here with number 2, people-pleasing. It took me a long time to learn this one and it can still present challenges for me. We can feel empowered by rescuing others and we don’t often have many opportunities to feel empowered.
Also, the people we want to rescue probably do need real help. They are likely the underdog also having suffered from being different or past trauma. Their situation may remind us of our own and we want to champion them. Being a rescuer is a heady experience.
Two powerful truths helped me stop rescuing people. The first is that my interference through rescuing prevents them from knowing their own power. It maintains their deficit in feeling their true power.
The second truth is about karma. Very often when I interfere with their situation, my karma gets wrapped up in theirs. What if through my help they at first succeed but can’t actually maintain the new position because they weren’t ready or the outcome was what I could imagine for them but not what was best for them? Now they have failed and feel like they let me down on top of everything else. Heartbreaking.
Cheer them on and let them find their way with your support, not your rescue.
4. Sensitivity Is a Superpower, Not a Weakness
How many times have you been told, “You’re too sensitive”? Our culture doesn’t value sensitivity, because it usually points out cruelty or deceit. No one wants to deal with feelings that arise from actions that benefit some by hurting others.
Unfortunately, our culture is built on systems that do just that. Our systems favor rich, white men. If you aren’t all three, in some way, the system is harming you. Sensitivity means you are in touch with your feelings and I’ve learned that it’s my greatest gift.
Sensitivity allows us to connect deeply with people, places, and situations. That deep connection is through my feelings and emotions, my intuition, and my knowledge and experience of the world.
This experience of the world is unique to empaths and neurodivergent people. It allows us to be peacemakers and innovators. Learning how to use it makes us resilient and powerful. Our sensitivity is not something to suppress; it’s something to celebrate and cultivate.
5. Independence Isn’t the Ultimate Goal
Hyper-independence is often a trauma response, not a sign of strength. We’re not meant to do everything alone despite what our culture tells us.
The US was built on individualism. Those with power use individualism to make us believe that if we aren’t a rich, white man, who the systems were built for, it is our fault alone and our failure means we do not deserve help and care from our community.
Interdependence—building relationships based on mutual support—is the true goal. That is what being human is about. We are social creatures who naturally gravitate to building communities based on mutual support.
That’s science. Despite the science (actually before we knew it), we built artificial structures called governments that change based on where the power is and what those with it want to create. Those artificial structures will never change the science that knows that we are at our best in interdependent communities. Asking for help and allowing ourselves to receive it is an act of courage, not weakness and it is in alignment with our true nature as human beings.
6. Not All Discomfort Should Be Pushed Through
We’re often told to “push through” discomfort–no pain, no gain–but sometimes, discomfort is a sign to pause, reassess, or even walk away.
Not every challenge is meant to be endured. Learning to distinguish between productive discomfort (growth) and harmful discomfort (self-betrayal) is a key part of self-trust. And it takes time, awareness, and experimentation.
Be where you are and allow yourself grace as you navigate this one because sometimes quitting is the best path forward.
7. Healing Happens in Connection, Not Isolation
There’s a myth that healing is a solo journey—that we need to figure everything out on our own before we’re “worthy” of deep relationships. But the truth is, we heal in community. We heal in spaces where we are seen, held, and accepted as we are. We are wired for connection.
Right now, those in power are working hard to divide us. Take away our sense of connection in order to push their harmful and hateful agenda. It is up to us to bridge their attempts at disrupting our communities.
If you are looking for community right now, particularly empath community, join Aligned Journeys, my online empath community. And once you join, engage with each other.
I know as empaths it can be hard for many of us to connect because we tend towards introversion. That is real but I hope you can overcome it now and then in order to find connections. Now is a time we could use support from each other. Give it a try. The community is free.
Choosing a Different Path
Unlearning these cultural messages isn’t easy. It’s counter-culture to rest, to set boundaries, to honor our sensitivity, and to prioritize our well-being. But that’s exactly why it’s necessary. As empaths, we are here to challenge the status quo—not just for ourselves, but for future generations.
Empaths are a crucial part of the evolution of humanity. We are the heart and emotional center of the fight against hyper-rationalism and moneyed self-interest. Our truth is Universal truth and doesn’t require man-made laws to believe but to practice our truth we do require rights, like those imagined by our nation’s founding fathers but never quite put in place for true equity.
My hope is that empaths continue to do our healing work, so we KNOW our truth, this truth and can help others who are still waking up to it.
