At that time, I thought faith and love were for those who buried their heads in the sand, those who didn’t understand the seriousness of our world.
I thought leading with your heart meant you were silly and weak, a sucker. (Despite the fact that I did lead with my heart. It is my nature and my beliefs about it created the perfect shame story.)
It took me a lot of years but I learned that faith is hard work, love is courageous and without them, life has little meaning for me.
Faith is pretty easy when things are going well. When things fall apart is when faith matters most.
There can appear to be a million reasons to develop cynicism where faith used to be.
For one thing, it feels more powerful than grief, and smarter too. “I won’t get hurt again if I doubt everything and close myself off.”
When your head tells you faith and love are not safe, be compassionate with yourself and then without closing up or chastising yourself, you try.
Try being loving to yourself and believe that you can get what you are striving towards, be curious about what comes up in your mind and your body as you attempt to stretch beyond your safe space.
Faith allows us to feel good again. So keep trying until it becomes effortless again.